Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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