God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
