soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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