I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
