WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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