i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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