These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
