He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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