Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
