You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
