Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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