I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
