i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the condom got lost in my hair
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
