oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
