You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk is a universal language darling
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
