If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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