11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
