there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
