Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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