i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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