I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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