My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
