Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
