I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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