I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
