Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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