I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He felt like a one man threesome
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
