That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
