So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
