The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
