dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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