I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
