I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
