Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
