I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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