Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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