I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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