i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it glows. i had to have it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
