Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
