You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
