hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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