I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
