this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
