Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
