I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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