There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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