I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
