is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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