So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
