I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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