Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize