I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He did a backflip because drugs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
