Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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