but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
