I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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