So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
