I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
