kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
