your parents love me but you hate me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
