she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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