i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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