You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
