i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
