are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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