You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
