When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
