you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
