My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize