Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
