party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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