Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
