I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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