we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
